religion Keyword
An Interview
[Transcript of audio recorded on 25/06/2009 in St Peters Square]
A Gamer’s Odyssey: “With us today is Simon VanderHeyden. He’s been traveling the world for nigh on Six months and has been blogging about his experience. Thanks for chatting with us today Simon”
Simon VanderHeyden: “My Pleasure! Great to be here in the Vatican today”
AGO: “Yes it is a fantastic day for a little tour. First before I fire a few questions at you, how have you been enjoying your trip? Not too tired yet?”
SV: “Oh not at all. Don’t get me wrong, I have days where I wake up knackered but I power through. I mean how often do you get to be travelling the world you know?”
AGO: “Good to hear. So yeah, as you said before we’re standing here in St Peter’s Square at Vatican City, the worlds smallest country. How are you liking it?”.
SV: “To be honest mate, it’s pretty messed up…”
AGO: “Woah, not what I was expecting. What makes you say that?”
SV: “I mean look around us. No matter where you look you see MONEY. Silly money. Ten thousand dollar-an-hour hooker money. See these columns? Some big bloke in the sky didn’t just magically make them appear here for the benefit of a bunch dudes in robes did he? Someone had to pay for them. And these paintings, these statues.”
AGO: “I suppose so…”
SV: “No supposing about it. What you’re standing on, this ‘hollowed ground’ is at once an amazing piece of human artistic expression and imagination, and a symbol of how broken religion is.”
AGO: “But you’re talking about the Vatican. The home, the headquarters of the Roman Catholic Church. The worlds largest Christian religion. You don’t get much more religious and holy than that do you?”
SV: “How can this place be at all holy? It flies in the face of what I believe to be the most important attributes those who follow the religion tries to teach in the bible. Humilty. Does this massive…” *at this point Simon waves his hand towards St Paul’s Cathedral* “and I mean massive basilica say humble to you?”
AGO: “I guess not…”
SV: “In fact the bible is pretty clear on how important Meekness and Humility is to the Christians. Matthew 5:5 has the quote I am sure even those who have not read the bible would know: ‘Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth’. I’m not a religious person, I’ve said this before but come on; This is just ridiculous.”
AGO: “If you’re not religious how can you pass such harsh judgement the Vatican?”
SV: “Who better to see the absurdity of what is going on in this small corner of the world than someone who’s eyes are not clouded by the blind love of an imaginary being. Or worse, blind devotion to A MAN who stands in a window proclaiming that he is our direct connection to this magical cloud person.”
AGO: “One could argue that someone who steps foot into the Vatican, and takes in these impressive structures would become humbled in the face of their magnificance. They represent the glory of God who, in some peoples eyes, we should bow to in humility as we are but humans. No human would have something so amazing, so detailed, so ornate built for them.”
SV: “Come with me…”
[Audio stopped. Recording resumes in the Sistine Chapel]
SV: “See all this before you.” *Simon waves hand towards the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel* “It was created by a man: Michelangelo. Someone of immense talent. Someone of immense insight and imagination. A man who possessed amazing skills and used them to create some of mankind’s greatest pieces of art. Do you agree?”
AGO: “Yes, but one might argue that ‘God’ gave him these skills to carry out this work for him on earth”
SV: “Why does something amazing need to be attributed to a higher power? Religious people talk to me about bull like an amazing sunrise being ‘a miracle’. No, this is nature in all it’s beautiful, explainable glory. Why can we not accept that humans are amazing in their own right, they create wonderful things, and yet we also are the cause of potentially our own end. We are destructive. Would an all knowing God have created such a flawed and terrible yet ingenious creature?”
AGO: “Some would argue that if there was a He, then He works in mysterious ways. Who are we to question his divine plan?”
SV: “You know someone else who worked ‘in mysterious ways’ and had a ‘divine plan’? Hitler. He did things without reason, giving few motives for actions. Hiding his reasoning from the people he was supposedly caring for.”
AGO: “You’re comparing the Christian god to Hitler?”
SV: “No, I am mearly highlighting just how ridiculous the old ‘mysterious ways’ argument is. The worst thing for a manager to do is take action with no reason or rhyme and expect his team to accept it. Back to my original point however…”
AGO: “Which was?”
SV: “All this was created by man, for man, not for God. Michelangelo was paid for his work on the Sistine Chapel. He didn’t do it out of the kindness of his heart. Oh, and a rumored homosexual heart at that I might add; something that would probably been frowned upon by the Church. He was commissioned by Pope Julius the Second. Pope Julius was named ‘The Terrible Pope’. Julius the Second would form “The League of Cambrai” and would fight the Venetians for control of Northern Italy and after taking it would go on to drive the French out of Italy.”
AGO: “So?”
SV: “Does that sound like something a god who supposedly sent his son to die for mankinds sins would want? Do they sound like something someone who wanted to promote humility and love and care for our fellow man would want?”
AGO: “Not really…”
SV: “No, not really at all. They sound like something a corrupt government may do, or a business. Which brings me to my point. The Church is a business. The Vatican is the board room of one of the most influential businesses of all time. It rakes in money by selling snake oil. It takes land, wages war, decides fates of entire races and nations. Why? Because ‘God’ says it’s ok. I would like to think that the God that many of my good friends believe in was a bit more tolerant, accepting and humble than that. He’s not out to make money. I would just imagine if there was a god, then it’s just some bored chick, playing the Sim’s and every now and then she gets the urge to lock people in a doorless room with an oven.”
AGO: “Alrighty then. Thanks for your time, Simon.”
SV: “No worries. Oh and by the way, what kinda fucked up religion has a statue of a guy holding up fruit with his erect penis in their chapel?”
The Church
Religion is one of those things that really isn’t something I can discuss without the conversation getting heated or me just having to shut my trap. The mere idea of it makes me cringe. I am tolerant of those who have beliefs, and I think people should be able practise what ever religion they want as long as they keep themselves. Hell, I support Pastarfarianism, but I’ll never push the teachings of the flying spaghetti monster on anyone even if I was touched by his noodly appendage. That said, religion does have some merits. Like its role in the creation of public holidays.
Easter weekend is one of those holidays we have to thank some of the bigger groups of Invisible Cloud People followers for. It is a great weekend. Some people get chocolates, everyone gets a Holiday and as always, there’s an excuse to get rat shit maggot pissed. Which is what I did this Easter Sunday. I met up with Jessica Cullen, a friend from Perth and, with a few of her mates, we hit “The Church“.
The Church is hard to describe. For three and a half hours, every sunday, it hosts a multitude of yobbo aussies, sleazy south africans, goofy americans and smelly brits as well as a sampling from pretty much all corners of the globe for an afternoon of debauchery. This is real hedonistic stuff. Drink can only be purchased three at a time and are handed to you in a plastic bag to be easily attached to a belt. A preacher delivers a rousing speech, taking the piss out of everyone in the room. Strippers, both male and female strip right down for the heaving crowd and drinks flow into gullets faster than they can be dispensed.
While a little crazier than most night clubs I have been to, it was just like being at home. Sweaty dudes with their shirts off, chicks that couldn’t handle their drinks, the same songs you’ve heard in every pub, every weekend. Booze covered chicks and strippers is pretty much the only way you could ever get me into a Church. Pure-fucking-gold.
Attached is a gallery of the usual “Simon’s been out drinking” photos I take, most of which are of me looking pissed. Majority were taken at the Church, some at the Shepard’s Bush Walkabout later in the day. Enjoy.